it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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