everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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