hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
