You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
