It was confusing and full of hummus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
