Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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