I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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