I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
