Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
