so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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