Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
