I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
