i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
