Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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