Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
