Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize