my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
