you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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