Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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