its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
