So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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