If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
