U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
