This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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