Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
