Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
PANTIES FOUND
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