Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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