I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
