i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
