You can't special order awesome
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
