Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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