I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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