You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
