This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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