OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
