He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
