He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
