I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
