I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize