Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
