At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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