Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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