i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
