im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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