12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
