I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
