His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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