No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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