Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
