It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
