can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
