Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
