I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i've created a new STD.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
