I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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