Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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