She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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