I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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