I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
