He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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