Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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