if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As shirtless as possible
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
