Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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