so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
