i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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